The holiday season is often heralded as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for those grieving the loss of a loved one, these festivities can feel like an emotional battlefield rather than a source of comfort. This reality is particularly pronounced in African and African-American societies, where “family traditions” and cultural expectations to “be strong” and “move on” often suppress the natural expression of grief.

The Cultural Pressure to “Perform” Joy

The weight of cultural and familial expectations can make grief an isolating journey. Holidays, filled with large gatherings and vibrant celebrations, become overwhelming for mourners who are expected to smile, sing, and dance despite their internal pain. Phrases like “Don’t spoil the fun for others” or “Your loved one would want you to be happy” are often used to dismiss their emotions.

While such statements may be well-meaning, they compel mourners to suppress their grief, put on a brave face, and “fake it” through the season. This creates a dangerous cycle of unprocessed emotions and unresolved grief, leading to mental health struggles that linger long after the holidays.

The Reality of Holiday Grief

Grief doesn’t adhere to cultural timetables. The holiday season often magnifies the loss, as traditions and family gatherings highlight the absence of loved ones. No amount of carols, Christmas lights, or festive meals can fill the void left by a deceased parent, child, spouse, or sibling.

Forcing participation in celebrations can lead to “disenfranchised grief”—a form of grief that society fails to acknowledge or validate. When mourners are pressured to suppress their feelings to “keep the peace” or “carry on,” they are denied the space and support they need to heal.

The Mental Health Toll

The cultural emphasis on communal strength often overlooks the need for emotional vulnerability, leaving many to suffer in silence. Women, in particular, bear the brunt of this pressure as they are often tasked with maintaining traditions—cooking, cleaning, hosting, and performing—while navigating very grave pain, sometimes.

A Call for Empathy

Grief is deeply personal, yet societal norms often police its expression. Forcing joy during the holidays, while well-meaning, robs mourners of the dignity of their pain. It’s time for African and African-American societies to evolve their understanding of grief, recognizing that healing requires space, patience, and compassion. This holiday season, let us not demand cheer from those who are grieving. Instead, let us honour their loss, sit with them in their pain, and remind them that their feelings are valid.

Let everyone know that grief doesn’t take a holiday, and neither should our empathy. Share this your family and friends.