Grief is not just emotional it’s spiritual. It shakes everything we once held dear. It redefines our relationships, our purpose, and often, our beliefs. When I lost my husband just 18 months into our marriage, I clung desperately to my faith. When my sister passed away, I cried out to God for answers. When my father and mother-in-law died soon after, I found myself questioning everything I had been taught about divine love and purpose.

As a grief coach and mental health nurse practitioner, I’ve walked this path alongside many others. I’ve seen how religion can be both a lifeline and a weight how it can comfort, and yet sometimes complicate the grieving process. And so we ask the question: does religion help people heal from grief, or can it actually hold them back?

Religion as a Source of Comfort

In a deeply religious society like Nigeria, faith is often the first refuge people turn to when loss strikes. Religious traditions offer structure and ritual a sense of order in the chaos of mourning. Prayers, funeral services, hymns, and communal gatherings provide a framework for processing grief. These practices create sacred space for remembrance and reflection, giving the grieving person something to hold onto when everything else feels lost.

Scientific evidence supports this. A 2020 study in the Journal of Religion and Health found that individuals with strong religious beliefs often experience lower levels of anxiety and depression following bereavement. Faith in a higher power or belief in an afterlife gives many people hope. The comforting idea that a loved one is “in a better place” or that they will be seen again can provide a sense of peace that nothing else can offer.

Religion also offers community, which is essential for healing. Whether it’s a church, mosque, or prayer group, the presence of people who care and check in regularly can make a grieving person feel seen, heard, and less alone. The Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health (2021) confirmed that people with strong faith-based social support tend to demonstrate greater emotional resilience.

When Religion Complicates Grief

Yet, for many others, religion doesn’t ease the pain it intensifies it. Religious platitudes like “It’s God’s will,” or “God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers” are often offered as comfort but can feel like knives to the heart. Instead of soothing, these statements can make mourners feel guilty for their sorrow or ashamed of their questions.

In many Nigerian churches and religious homes, expressing anger toward God or asking “why” is viewed as a sign of weak faith. Mourners are told to suppress those feelings and “just pray about it.” But grief that is suppressed doesn’t vanish it festers. The American Psychological Association (2019) notes that repressed grief often manifests as depression, anxiety, or even physical illness like migraines, ulcers, and high blood pressure.

I have worked with widows who were discouraged from seeking therapy because “prayer is enough.” I’ve seen grieving parents told to fast rather than cry. I’ve met teenagers dealing with immense grief after losing a parent who were shamed for their sadness instead of being supported through it. This stigma around mental health in religious communities is one of the biggest barriers to healing in Nigeria.

Grieving Authentically With or Without Religion

Faith can be a beautiful part of healing but only when it makes space for truth. If your religion allows you to cry, to question, to lament, and to be angry, it can be one of your greatest tools for recovery. But if it silences your grief or shames your emotions, it may hinder rather than help your journey.

Let it be clear: grief is not a sign of weak faith. Even Jesus wept. Even prophets despaired. Grief is not rebellion against God it is proof of love.

You don’t have to “mourn properly” according to religious expectations. You only have to mourn truthfully, in a way that feels honest to your soul. Whether that means leaning into prayer or stepping back to breathe, your grief is valid.

Healing doesn’t require blind faith. It requires space, compassion, and honesty. If your religion brings you peace, hold it close. But if it burdens your healing, allow yourself the freedom to pause. Your pain is not a spiritual failure. It is a human one. And that is enough. At Dazzling Grit, we believe in grief that is authentic, supported, and judgment free. Whether you lean on religion, therapy, community, or solitude, we’re here to walk with you through your healing journey.