Grief is an inevitable part of life, and it hits us all in different ways. Having personally lost my father, my husband, and my sister in a span of a few years, I can attest to the profound impact of grief. Beyond the personal pain, I was also confronted with the challenge of managing grief while continuing to meet professional responsibilities, raise my son, and care for my niece, now my responsibility after my sister’s passing. I found myself grappling with deep sorrow while still needing to “show up” at work.
Balancing work while processing grief is no easy feat. When my husband passed, I struggled to maintain the facade of normalcy, especially in the work environment, where you’re often expected to carry on despite emotional upheavals. This can be mentally exhausting and, at times, feel nearly impossible. The level of impact, flexibility and understanding you can expect depends and differs greatly across various work environments.
In structured corporate settings, there may be policies around bereavement leave and employee assistance. However, the pressure to maintain productivity may be higher, and the expectation to “move on” quickly can feel stifling. Communicating your needs and limitations is key in these environments. In more informal work environments, there may be a greater understanding of emotional fluctuations, allowing you to express grief more freely. However, there may also be less formal support, like bereavement leave, which could make it difficult to take time off.
If you’re self-employed, maintaining both your business and your well-being can be immense. When I transitioned to becoming a full-time grief coach, managing my schedule while grieving was challenging, but it also allowed me the flexibility to pace myself as needed. In these settings, it’s crucial to set boundaries and prioritise your mental health.
In high-stress professions, grief can feel especially isolating, as the focus is often on addressing urgent matters (like saving lives in healthcare, for instance). The demands of these jobs leave little room for personal grief, so it’s vital to, perhaps, take extended time off if necessary.
Practical Strategies to Manage Grief at Work
While there is no magic formula for balancing grief and work, here are some strategies that helped me and could be beneficial to anyone navigating this journey.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
One of the biggest mistakes I made early on was trying to suppress my grief. I told myself I had to be strong. However, bottling up emotions only prolonged my suffering. It’s essential to acknowledge and accept that you’re grieving. You don’t have to put on a brave face all the time. Allow yourself to feel, cry, and process the loss.
Communicate with Your Employer
It’s important to communicate your situation to your employer or immediate supervisor. Transparent communication can pave the way for supportive concessions. Depending on your workplace, you may be entitled to bereavement leave or flexible work arrangements. When a friend’s father passed, she was fortunate to have an understanding supervisor who allowed her to work from home for a few weeks.
Seek Support from Co-workers
If you’re in a supportive work environment, lean on trusted colleagues for support. It could be as simple as having someone to talk to or relying on them for assistance with tasks when you’re emotionally drained. During my grief, a few colleagues became a valuable part of my support system, offering both professional help and emotional empathy.
Set Boundaries
Grief can make it difficult to focus and perform at full capacity. While returning to work can provide a sense of normalcy, it’s also important to be realistic about your limitations. Set boundaries with colleagues and supervisors regarding your workload and their expectations. In my case, when I returned after my husband’s death, I had to tone down on certain activities to prevent burnout.
Create a Flexible Routine
A structured routine can help you stay grounded. However, flexibility is key. Some days will be harder than others. On tough days, break tasks into smaller, manageable steps. I found that allowing myself short breaks during the day to process my emotions was crucial. On particularly difficult days, I worked shorter hours and focused on less demanding tasks.
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate it, especially in the workplace. Managing grief at work is a balancing act that requires self-compassion and, at times, vulnerability. If you’re struggling to cope, you don’t have to carry the weight of grief alone. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist, a trusted colleague, or a grief coach like me.
On this journey, many of us have found that work is not just a financial necessity but can also be a source of distraction from the depths of our sorrow. Even more so, you might just discover a strength within you that you never knew existed.
